Spiderling
by PlummyPlums
Summary: Who knew that two bumbling criminals would make great dads? Drabbles from Edgar's childhood and Charley and Barley's adventures in fatherhood. Rated T just in case.
1. A Fateful Meeting

It was finally time for their first major heist, and their plan was perfect. Their target was a small hat shop a town over, and they were only after cash. There were no obstacles (except for the staff, of course, but Barley could take care of them), and the job couldn't have been easier in concept. Get in, get the money, and get out. The pair hadn't accounted for any missteps, as there shouldn't have been any.

But really, who could account for finding an abandoned baby?

* * *

They had been on their way to the shop when they heard the soft, pathetic cry of a young child. They originally planned to ignore it, but it only got louder, and they knew they couldn't let it go when they realized that it was coming from the darkened alley between a bakery and a pharmacy.

They stared down at the source of the noise; a tiny spider toon that laid in a dingy cardboard box, covered in a small blue blanket. The little thing was wailing pitifully, and he seemed smaller than he probably should've been (though he must've been very young, he didn't even seem to have fangs yet). He couldn't have been there long, as he seemed healthy, but he was certainly upset that he had been abandoned like this. No child deserved to be dropped off in an alley with nothing but a small blanket and a box to their name.

It was a while before either of the newbie criminals said anything. "We can't leave him here, and you know it." Barley would never admit it, but he was a bit of a sap. It would take him forever to forgive himself if they left the poor thing here, cold and alone.

Charley sighed, resting his head in his hand. "I know, Bar, but what are gonna do with a lil tyke? We don't have anything to take care of him, and we don't have the space for a baby. Well, what other options d'we have, Barley?! We can't go heistin' with a baby, the coppers'll catch us for sure, and I sincerely doubt we'd be able to support him with the doe we bring in. Can't...can't we wait for someone better to come pick him up?"

The sailor's indignant look threw that idea out the window. "He could die if we leave 'im, Charley! Who do ye think's gonna take in a _spider_? Even if he gets taken to an orphanage, ye know that's no place for a kid to grow up. We can make do, we always have."

Thinking on it for a moment, the chimp couldn't find an argument. Many people didn't enjoy the presence of bugs or anything else they consider to be pests, so the infant would have a hard time finding someone who would care for him. If he was found and brought to an orphan home, it could still be really hard for him to be accepted. Having been in an orphanage for his own early years, Charley knew just how damaging it could be to a child. Thankfully he'd gotten out before his teen years, or he didn't know how he'd have turned out (though that wasn't saying much). Who knew how it would affect a newborn? Besides, they were criminals. They would find a way to care for the little thing.

"...ugh, I hate when you're right. Come on, let's get the brat home." Steeling his resolve, he picked up the box, careful not to jostle their precious cargo, and they set off back to their home.


	2. Learning Curve

Their first few months of parenthood were...interesting, to say the least. The child (who they'd named Edgar) wasn't exactly what one would call an easy baby. He learned to crawl around way earlier than most babies, giving his new dads more scares than they could count in the early days. His emotions were volatile; he could be just fine, but if he suddenly decided he wanted someone to hold him, he'd burst into tears. He ate a lot, straining their supply of formula on more than one occasion. A more annoying than worrying thing was that he was curious and grabby, loving to get ahold of whatever was in arm's reach (usually to stick it in his mouth).

Now, some of these may seem like normal baby things, but the poor new parents had no idea what they were doing. They knew the basic things they would need, and had gone on a huge shopping trip for baby supplies in the first few days, but they didn't know much of anything behavior and parenting-wise until they read a book that Charley brought home from a trip to the library. While there were many things specifically relating to the mother that they couldn't deal with, there was lots of good advice that ended up being very helpful. Nothing, however, could prepare them for the specific challenges of raising a spider.

After about two and a half months of having Edgar home, he had his first molt. There wasn't any pomp and circumstance, he just stopped what he was doing, pushed out of his old skin, and carried on. Charley was watching him at the time, and was a mix of confused and terrified when he looked up from his book to see his son pulling the last of his leg free from the molt. A trip to the doctor ruled that he was fine, this was normal for a growing spider, but it certainly gave him a scare. When Barley got home from the docks, Charley put his partner on "dad duty" so he could go to the local library and pick up books on spiders. With their newfound knowledge of how spiders fundamentally worked and lived, they thought they were in for smooth sailing.

Then he started teething. The tiny fangs growing in were hurting him badly, and he cried non-stop. The poor family got virtually no sleep. They resorted to giving Edgar small chunks of ice to chew on, usually wrapped in a towel so he didn't hurt himself if he bit too hard. He had no way of communicating what he needed, so the ice was their first solution whenever he cried. Despite it being rather frustrating to have their kid crying all the time, Charley and Barley felt awful that he was in constant pain and they couldn't help. All they could really do was keep the ice coming when he was in pain and try to comfort him. Thankfully, this pain only lasted about a week, but then came the struggles associated with Edgar's new fangs. Being a baby, he loved to stick things in his mouth and bite random objects or people. Thus the family learned that a pacifier had to be available at all times so that they wouldn't get bitten, as even though they were small, those teeth were _sharp_. This didn't fully protect them, however, so they made sure to keep bandages on hand. It was common for both men to have bandaids all over their hands from the baby's frequent bites, and keeping themselves from swearing when Edgar chomped down on them was an unexpected challenge.

In between all of the madness of pain and spider-related issues, their life was surprisingly nice. They'd bring Edgar when they had to run errands, Charley would read to him, and Barley would play with him after work. Charley was content playing the role of the housewife, caring for the baby and keeping up with news on the radio or in the papers. Barley brought in most of their money doing dock work. Sure, loading and unloading the ships that came into the Sepia docks wasn't the most interesting job in the world, but it was honest work and it paid the bills.

Speaking of the couple, their parenting abilities astounded them more than anything they'd seen the baby do. It was quickly determined that they worked together very well and knew when to take over for the other. Charley would pretend he didn't hear Barley humming to Edgar to soothe him when he woke up in the middle of the night, making little shushing noises and quietly urging the baby to "not wake yer dad". When Barley got home from a long day at the docks, Charley would send him off to rest instead of trading responsibilities, caring more about keeping his partner healthy more than having a little extra free time.

It was around this time when it really occurred to them that there were a family.


	3. Words

Edgar was a rather noisy child. He was always babbling or giggling, and it was easy to tell when he was upset, as he could scream and cry louder than any child his dads had ever heard. He even made little squeaking sounds while he slept! The one thing he couldn't manage to do yet was speak. At a year old (or so they assumed, no one really knew when he was born), he had yet to make any real comprehensive words. He did, however, have specific sounds he made to relate to things, and the tone he used dictated if it was positive or negative. When he wanted to play, he made a sort of barking sound, usually accompanied by a tug on his dad's pant leg. Long, keening whines meant hunger. Piercing cries were the ones to watch out for, as those meant he had hurt himself or was otherwise in distress. Charley did encourage him to speak by reading to him and talking to him as though he were an older child. Simple words could be picked up around this age, the parenting book had said, and they knew that speaking around him would help him learn. They even took to calling themselves by what they wanted him to call them; Dad for Charley and Papa for Barley.

The first time he said anything comprehensible, it was a huge surprise. Barley had just gotten home, greeting the rest of the family and flopping on the couch beside Charley, who had been watching Edgar play with his blocks. Said child, happy to see his other father home, toddled over to them and used the couch to pull himself to his feet. He raised his chubby arms, a big smile on his face, prompting Barley to pick him up. Once in his lap, Edgar sat mutely, seemingly thinking hard (well, as hard as a baby can). It was actually kind of unnerving, as he was never this calm and quiet when he was awake. His parents didn't dare rile him up, however, so they just relaxed in the silence. Best to enjoy the peace while it lasted.

After a few minutes of comfortable rest, Edgar decided he was bored and began babbling. This was the usual in their home, so no one thought anything of the sudden noise. Seeing as their silence was gone, Charley and Barley took to making small talk, catching up on the day's events and casually debating something from the newspaper. Edgar, in true toddler fashion, wasn't a fan of being ignored, so he let out a sudden, loud cry, smacking Barley as hard as a small child can in an attempt to get their attention.

"_Baba!_"

This startled the men into silence. Usually, the child's sounds were incoherent nonsense or general yelling, but this was new. He'd never said anything that sounded like a defined word before. After a moment of letting Edgar bask in his victory, Charley jumped in.

"What was that?"

The spiderling huffed in annoyance, repeating himself. He pointedly looked at Barley, looking about as frustrated as an infant can. "Baba."

Barley smiled hesitantly, pointing at himself. "Papa?"

Edgar chirped happily, suddenly seeming very glad to be recognized. "Baba!"

This sent the house into excited chaos for a few weeks. With Edgar's new word came the possibility that he would say more and more, so they worked with him on connecting words with objects and themselves. Within a short amount of time, the child had gotten a grasp on a few basic words and more complex sounds, including "dada", which he usually used to refer to Charley. He would know what they were talking about when they mentioned simple words and would even point to them in pictures if they had a kid's book on hand. They felt very accomplished to be teaching Edgar, and the fact that he referred to them as his "dada" and "baba" was incredibly endearing.

The life of a parent wasn't an easy one, but Charley and Barley were working through it and enjoying it for what it was. Edgar was settling in as their son as if he was always meant to be there, and the couple were starting to think that he was.


End file.
